Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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