Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
