put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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