Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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