i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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