you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love having hate sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
