i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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