Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
