i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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