I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
