What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
