The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
