I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
