Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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