He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What a dumb baby whore.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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