She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you will always have a special place in my vag
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
