feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
