i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
