That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
