It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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