I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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