I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
