I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
