weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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