im having a threesome with these popsicles
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
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Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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