Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
