I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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