Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
that may or may not have been my penis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
