i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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