in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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