Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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