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He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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