I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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