I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
