Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
