For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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