I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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