Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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