I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
