Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
worst night to have a conscience
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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