mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
