why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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