Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
