I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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