You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
