everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
