so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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