She is in my trunk
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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