If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
