We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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