I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
