is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The adults are the big ones right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
