I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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