You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
