Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
