What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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