Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
