Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
