the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
