Just fell off a train. Bad.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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