Is it because I queefed?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
