He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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