I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i used baking grease as lip gloss
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
