how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
