Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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