I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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