So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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