So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Text me some of your sweat
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